kristin has been a bad kristin
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
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Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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