i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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