I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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