It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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