you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
