I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
