Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
