Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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