Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
