He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
