it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
