I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
