I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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