We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
