So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
