Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my being single is dangerous.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My ass is underappreciated
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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