So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
