Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
