i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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