Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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