R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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