I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
