porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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