just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
