Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
