You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
