last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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