i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
