I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
