Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
