I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
