I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
