So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
