Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
