Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
