so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
