Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
