I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
