Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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