Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
