Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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