That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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