I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
