well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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