Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
