From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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