we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
