i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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