Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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