from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
