Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
