He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
