Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
