; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
