haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
