I can text with my tongue
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
