Nicole vs. Life
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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