I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
