....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
