my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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