I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
