Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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