Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
