yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
