Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
