i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
