my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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