My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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