i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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