I wanna passion pit in your ass
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
